Sober Questioning: Can I Stay Sober Around My Friends?

Remember—people who drink don’t tend to surround themselves with a ton of sober folks, so you’re kind of a rarity! People might want to know why you are the way you are, especially if you’re willing to open up about why you don’t drink. When you get together with such people, you’ll likely find that they do plenty of activities that don’t involve alcohol—like hiking, skiing, playing games, or fishing. And you might even find that you enjoy doing these types of things much more than activities that involve alcohol. Perhaps you’d appreciate a sober buddy, or someone else staying sober with you when you go out or helping you resist the temptation to drink. Or maybe you’d still like to hang out together, but not in bars.

Politely decline invitations to activities you are not 100% confident you can handle sober. Tell them you’re being serious and need to stop if they want to be in your life. Let’s say the aforementioned heart-to-heart with your buddies didn’t go as planned. You’re getting met with eye rolls, calls to lighten up, and advice that you should learn to take a joke. I would NOT recommend doing it in the middle of dinner or your bestie’s housewarming party but find a time when everyone is coherent and calm. Maybe it IS because they are unsupportive assholes, but it can also be because humans are innately tribal beings.

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But if you don’t fancy AA there are alternatives such as Smart Recovery and various group resources offered by the NHS. Rehabilitation along with the treatments and therapies on offer provide you with the skills to fight back, whether via enrolment into a 12-step programme for addiction or rehab centre https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/5-great-tips-for-being-sober-around-drinkers/ or clinic. Sober shaming could happen at any point in day-to-day life. However, there are some environments where this might be more prominent or noticeable. Here’s a funny little clip from the BBC that I’m sure you’ll appreciate. Either way, you don’t need to concern yourself with this stuff today.

When you learn to remain happily alcohol-free as you navigate the real world around you with alcohol in it, you can sustain and enjoy sober living for as long as you want to or need to. You will absolutely see alcohol everywhere you go so it’s important to learn how to develop a healthy approach to living alcohol-free in a world that’s saturated with it. If you don’t already have any of these types of people in your life when you stop drinking, you can take steps to find them and cultivate more of these relationships. Socializing without alcohol can open up new possibilities for connection, fun, and personal growth. Embrace the opportunity to experience social interactions in a different light and create meaningful relationships that go beyond alcohol.

Try New Things With Your Friends

Any activity that you’ve closely paired with alcohol in the past may trigger the desire to drink, Willenbring says. Turning down a cigarette, an invitation to a Super Bowl party, or another problem activity can help you avoid high-risk situations. “I hold a glass of soda and keep it refreshed, so no one else has to offer to get me a refill,” says Laura of Chicago, a recovering alcoholic who asked that her full name not be used.

In some cases, this can mean changing your social group and spending time with different people. Once you arm yourself with some strategies to fend off even the most persuasive drinking friends, you may have come to a point where you’re wondering how to meet sober friends. Should you pick up a different hobby or change your attitude?

Problem Drinkers

Focus on the positive aspects of socializing without alcohol, such as clear-mindedness, better sleep, improved health, and the ability to fully experience and remember moments with friends. Embracing sobriety can lead to a more authentic and fulfilling social life. That way, you can suggest fun activities that don’t involve alcohol or ensure that where you’re going has an alcohol-free drink selection. You’ll help out your friends by relieving them of planning duties, and you can ensure the destination is somewhere you feel comfortable. Social drinkers are people who exhibit low-risk patterns. What this means is, they may drink heavily at a social gatherings, but that’s also the only time they’re drinking.

It was to do with my partner’s work and I was only going because I wanted to support him as he had to be there. I couldn’t imagine meeting anyone that I would get on with. What you also find as you grow in confidence in navigating the world around you sober, is that your real true self starts to shine through.

What It’s Like Being a Sober Person in a Drinking World

I do more of what I want, and I pick and choose the alcohol-infused events I go to. If there isn’t something fun for me there, like, say, at a brewery that doesn’t have food or games and only water? The more comfortable you feel, and the more you feel like you’re actively choosing to be in a situation, the easier you’ll find it to be the lone sober person in a room. To stay sober when your friends are drinking, you might develop and practice coping strategies to navigate any discomfort or peer pressure. Practice assertiveness skills, such as politely declining offers of alcohol or suggesting alternative activities. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, you might leave the gathering or practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing to keep yourself centered.

This tactic won’t work for everyone, and its success depends on your comfort level around people who are drinking. “Some people do find a positive role in [transforming themselves from the drinking buddy to the designated driver],” Willenbring says. “The group can accept them in a different way; they don’t have to expel them.”

Don’t ask probing questions

Consider which people are positive influences in your life. Then, identify relationships that might be a problem. Some friendships are based primarily on drinking and won’t continue to work during sobriety. Some people won’t respect your recovery and may attempt to bring you back to drinking with them. Not everyone may want to see you succeed with sobriety. I made the best decision for my life—and that was hard AF.

• We feel like we’re not just in the spotlight but also under a magnifying glass.
• At Glastonbury 2008 (headliners, Jay-Z and Amy Winehouse), I can’t remember anything after Joan Armatrading at two in the afternoon.
• Reinforce what you’re doing is important, and you need them to be more supportive.
• Although it may seem intimidating to face a familiar social situation without the comforting familiarity of a cocktail in your hand, you can survive.